Vacation insights

It was a good school vacation. The past 11 days were mostly filled with good family time and holiday cheer. Of course, there was the usual psychodrama, too, but I'm happy to report that the good far outweighed the not-so-good.

The first few days, of course, were busy with preparation for Christmas. Cookie-making (and eating), gift-wrapping, menu-planning. I noticed Abby lining up toys for the first time in years. I questioned her and she didn't want to talk about it. Earl and I decided to keep an eye on it and see if it went away, and it did. I think she had some anxiety about Christmas, and somehow, that behavior helped her cope. She has also been spending a lot of time with a certain book she got for Christmas -- flipping through the pages, which in my mind is similar to lining up toys -- but the end for that is in sight, with her return to school today.

Of course, everyone caught colds, and the week after Christmas was one big sniffle. We're all on the mend, now, but I had to face a dilemma: drippy nose, or droopy kid? The cold medicine I use (and swear by) knocks my kids out, which is fine at night but not so useful during the day. Abby's occupational therapist commented on how tired Abby seemed, and no wonder, with her appointment in the morning of the day after Christmas, and her being drugged up with Benadryl. But she did some good work and was able to stay on task.

Abby and Brian's therapist saw all three kids together for a session on Thursday and again on Friday. She wants to help the kids learn to play better, and will be working with Brian and Timmy together for the next few weeks. It's hard work: cooperative play does not come naturally to anyone -- for Abby and Brian because of their diagnoses, and for Timmy because he's two! I imagine it's pretty hard work for the therapist, too.

After the session on Friday we took everyone out for dinner. The kids all ordered for themselves and everyone ate well, although we did have the endless parade to the rest room for the second half of dinner. No one threw up (thank you, God) although Abby and Timmy came close. It's getting easier to take everyone out together. Continued glimmers of normal family life.

I taught a few lessons on Friday and Earl took the kids to the Children's Museum in Easton. They had a lot of fun, but between the museum visit, the therapy and then going out to dinner, we had three little pumpkins that slept like rocks that night.

Abby had a playdate with her friend, T., and her sister, K., on Saturday. They are the nicest girls on the planet and I am so grateful that they enjoy Abby's company. The girls played together very well -- everything from beading to princesses to hopscotch (on an indoor hopscotch rug the kids got for Christmas from our friends Cheri and Steve.) I made brownies and they all enjoyed a snack and then it was time for them to go. I observed a lot of good verbal and social interaction on Abby's part, and Brian's, too, for that matter.

And then, after the girls left...it was very interesting. Abby had a little "off" time. Earl said he observed her "spazzing out," for lack of a better word -- she did a lot of jumping and complex movements with her arms and hands. And it got me thinking: being "on" socially for two hours is HARD for Abby. She did just great -- I described it to Earl as being "darned close to normal" -- but it took a lot out of her. Abby's therapist has been telling me this for months, but it really hit home when I noticed how she had to engage in some atypical behaviors when the playdate was over.

Playing and interacting with friends must be as difficult for Abby as making social small talk at cocktail parties is for me. (Oh, how I hate the cocktail party! I felt a tsunami of relief when Earl told me his office was not having a holiday party this year.) Of course, the difference is that I can avoid situations of forced social chitchat and still lead a full life, but Abby cannot avoid playing and conversing with friends with the same result.

And so this school vacation was a bit of a laboratory setting for me, observing behaviors, conjecturing causes, making decisions about what to do, and ultimately, growing in compassion. Yes, some of my kids' behaviors can be mystifying and difficult. But I have a new understanding about some of the reasons behind the behaviors, and that helps me strategize about how to work with the kids. And about how to cope.