Lately I've been feeling like the worst mother ever. How else can you explain my being unable to control -- even partially -- Abby's behavior?
When we last left our favorite six-year-old, I was wondering how I would find her mood at school pick-up time on Thursday. Update: she was fine. She was also fine the next day, mostly. And most of Saturday.
And then it was Sunday: the first day without CCD. And the day before Earl was leaving for Canada for a quick trip to check out the cottage. And the day of a playdate that had to be postponed from Saturday.
Sunday morning saw her as out of control as she's ever been. Yesterday's and today's mornings saw that, too. Her therapist (whom I called for help) asked me what it looked like, and it looked like this: Abby yelling, screaming, flailing, flopping around; hitting herself, hitting me, even trying to bite me; slamming doors, throwing books and toys; Brian and Timmy staring in shock and looking at me for cues about how to handle it.
Besides remaining calm, I'm afraid I didn't have much to offer the situation. Abby worked through it, each time. But in general, these behavioral displays correspond with the emotional and social development of a toddler, not a six-and-a-half year-old. And I can't deal with it like I'd deal with a toddler, namely, picking the child up and removing her from the situation, because the situation is inside her, and she's too big for me to pick her up, anyway.
I see myself on an episode of Supernanny, where that voluptuous Mary Poppins would descend on our house, cluck her tongue, and upbraid me for all the things I'm doing wrong. Then, after breaking down in front of millions of viewers aghast at my lack of parenting skills or even common sense, I'd plead with her to straighten the whole mess out. And she would. Right?
No. What I really need is SuperBCBA. Or Superhypnotist. Or Super-PDD-curer.
And what I've got is: me. And Earl. And Abby's fabulous therapist, and a concerned school team, and sympathetic friends and family. And lately, they haven't been enough.
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1 comment:
I'm sure you hate to hear this, but keeping yourself calm is a *big* accomplishment, one I *often* stink at. As you know, you don't need Supernanny, you're just up against a really tough set of circumstances, and there will be times when they feel discouraging. (This we have in common, minus the tough circumstances.)
You are an amazing mom! (And friend, and singer, and writer, and much else I am not privileged to know about.)
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