Abby has been talking about taking violin lessons for some time. We found a local teacher, who was kind enough to invite us to observe a lesson. Abby seemed moderately interested during the lesson, but not dying to jump right in. I was very impressed, but wondered if the teacher's style might be a bit intense for Abby.
So I looked up another local teacher, and we set a time for a first lesson this past Monday. Abby had been looking forward to it, and then on Monday morning, she decided she didn't want to have anything to do with it. After a couple of phone calls to the teacher and another conversation with Abby after school, I decided it would be best not to take her. And I now feel like a wimpy parent.
It's very interesting, as a piano teacher, to be on the other side of the parent/teacher relationship. Sometimes parents tell me they have difficulty getting their kids to practice or listen to the recordings for their lessons. I do my best to suggest strategies that could help. But it's a totally different feeling, being the parent of a kid who seems to want to learn an instrument but somehow can't get over the hurdle of taking that first step. Now I can see more of where these parents are coming from.
Part of my mommy-consciousness thinks, too bad, we committed to the lesson, we should just go (too late for that now, but that's what I was thinking on Monday.) But another part, the hyper-sensitive-to-the-PDD-and-anxiety part, thinks, Abby has enough struggles just getting through the day sometimes. Why force her to add something when she's not bursting with enthusiasm to try?
On the very day of the lesson that wasn't, the Suzuki volume I CD, book and piano accompaniments arrived from Amazon. Even though Abby had decided not to go to the lesson by the time we opened the box, I put it on anyway. And immediately had two air-violinists at the dinner table, in the form of Brian and Timmy.
Brian would jump at the chance to learn violin if I offered it to him. So would Timmy. So why don't I just rent them tiny little instruments and jump right in?
Because I feel guilty about offering them something that I really had hoped Abby would want to do. In her thoughts and conversations, at least until lesson day, Abby already played the violin. She's been talking about it for weeks. How will she feel if her brothers are the ones who get to do it?
It's a sticky situation, and we haven't even broken out the rosin yet.
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2 comments:
I don't know *anything* about parenting, but is it up to you to truly decide which of your kids should play? As music teachers, shouldn't we just nurture the want - no matter which child it is - to play? Abby was in dance and Brian wanted to...so you put him in dance, too. Did Abby feel slighted? No. Maybe if Abby sees Brian taking violin and liking it...well, maybe it won't be so scary for her.
OK, you didn't ask for advice so you have my permission (nay, my blessing) to call me an idiot and ignore this. But.
I love what Chris said above. Abby doesn't own the rights to the violin, and there's nothing to say that whoever wants to learn violin can't learn it when s/he is ready and wants to try. Sometimes seeing someone else do something is very clarifying for me. It shows me right away whether I want to be doing it too...or not.
As to the "we paid for it, you better try it" thing, I have said to Akiva at times, "Let's give it an honest try for five minutes and if you still want to leave, we will leave without argument." He's the kind of person who sometimes needs to get used to something before he loves it -- and who needs an out. This strategy provides him with both, and I've never had to leave a class once he's given it the honest try of five minutes.
For whatever it's worth.
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