Thursday, October 8, 2009

A little movement

Today was busy enough that I didn't really have time to sit around and wonder why I was just sitting around.

I started off by sleeping 90 minutes later than I usually do, which I needed. Then, of course, I got up when the kids got up, so I had to be Mommy immediately, instead of easing into it with my alone time, as is my habit. But, as I said, I needed the extra sleep, and I fully understood the trade-off when I turned off the alarm clock the third time it beeped at me this morning.

After morning routines, including practicing with Abby and Brian and taking them to school, then bringing them home so Abby could get her backpack, and bringing them back to school, I was off to the Y and grocery shopping in the morning, then stopped by church to pick up Abby's religious education materials. There are no volunteers to teach third grade CCD on Sunday mornings this year, so we're homeschooling her for this. Despite it being another thing to do, I'm looking forward to it. It could be a great opportunity to connect with her in another way, yet with enough structure that she could stay focused and enjoy it. That's what I'm hoping, anyway.

Then, home to quickly put away the food that needed to be refrigerated, and then Earl and I took off for the meeting with Abby's therapist. It was a good meeting; we brainstormed ideas on how to "backfill" her leisure skills so she has some activities to fall back on socially as she gets older. We also discussed talking with Abby about her diagnosis, and the therapist asked me what I was afraid I was going to say wrong.

(Wait a minute...I thought she was Abby's therapist.)

I explained to her that I just wanted to be sure that she and we were on the same page regarding terminology and timing. She shared with us two books we can use, which I need to review before I either show them to Abby or write about them here. They look promising, though.

Abby's therapist also explained to us that Abby will probably have some feelings around the diagnosis, like anger, grief, confusion...not unlike what we had when we got her initial diagnosis of PDD-NOS four years ago. And, to be honest, not unlike what we still feel from time to time today. She encouraged us to sit with Abby in her feelings and to help her celebrate her strengths -- her musical talent, her incredible memory, her reading skills, her growing ability to adapt to changes in her life.

As I said, it was a good meeting.

Then, it was the afternoon whirlwind of putting away groceries, getting ready to teach, and teaching, and then the evening whirlwind of dinner, showers, review homework, snack and bedtime.

The house is quiet now; Earl is downstairs watching the Red Sox in the playoffs, and the kids are sleeping. It's the first time I've had to sit and think about the day.

***
I like being busy and feeling productive. But, as my friend, Naomi, and my sister-in-law, Jen, pointed out in their comments on yesterday's post, sometimes not being busy is good, too.

The idea of stillness, of inner silence instead of inner chatter, is something I've been doing a little thinking about, in particular. Earl has lately been visiting Glastonbury Abbey, a Benedictine monastery in Hingham. He bought a book, entitled Finding Sanctuary, about applying monastic principles to one's own life, which he read, and gave to me to read, too.

I've just started reading it, and am not quite sure what I think of it yet. I mean, I love the ideas; of laying down silence as the floor of one's sanctuary; of finding time to be silent on the inside as well as on the outside. Of eliminating needless chatter. Of pulling up the weeds of unnecessary distraction and creating the time and space to allow the flowers of God's whisperings to grow.

But liking the ideas, even understanding the ideas and agreeing that they're good ones, is not the same as actually putting them into practice. I want to grow spiritually, but right now it feels like another thing on the to-do list, and something that I feel like I can't take on.

And yet, perhaps if I made a little time for what is really important, it could help me to see more clearly the other things in my life, not all of which, let's face it, are really that important.

I pride myself in my ability to plan, to organize, to carry out. But all that puts me squarely in the center of my own little universe, where I believe I can control things. And life doesn't always work like that, to my chagrin.

Maybe five minutes of "be still and know" could help me loosen my grip on the controls, and to be comfortable with it, in time.

God lives in the hard places, I think.

2 comments:

JEN said...

yeah i'm pretty sure God does live in the hard places :/

it's really hard to be still and know. it was sort of my mantra for my pregnancy with eli and it felt so hard and overwhelming but i came out of it KNOWING, so it was worth the battle to be still. i pray the same for you-that by disciplining yourself to be still, all other aspects are improved and less stress etc. <3

cmmoore said...

I can't help but be reminded of another counter-intuitive thought: that by getting up early to run (i.e., not sleeping the extra hour and/or resting my body), I generally have MORE energy during the day, not less.

You can set aside 5 or 10 minutes to be still. You found time to swim. You find time to write; you find time to blog. You find time to take care of other people.

Find 10 minutes to take care of your spirit. I am willing to bet the rest of your day will feel less chaotic if you do.