Computer problems

My laptop is having trouble. Big trouble.

It's too long and painful to go into detail, but here are some things I have learned from this experience:

1. Never, ever, allow Windows to run automatic updates when a deadline is looming.
2. Never, ever, touch a computer when Windows is updating, or even thinking of updating.
3. Backup everything.

I'm posting from old reliable, sweating it out to see whether my laptop will be able to pull through. We're not out of the woods yet.